The Egoless Admin
 by Ross Lonstein, in Editorials - Mon, Jun 4th 2001 00:00 UTC

Lusers! Anyone who manages systems for any length of time will sooner or later deal with the difficult user. This user might be a new employee accustomed to doing her own thing, a long-time staffer under a deadline, a clueless newbie, a consultant brought in for an important project, a manager who wants some matter brought to the head of the line, or any other number of more or less impatient and irritating personalities. What they have in common is that they want something from you and they are standing at your desk.

This is where the Egoless Admin comes in. The advice below, tempered with a little hard-headed common sense, will get you through most situations.

The Egoless Admin has five simple rules:

1. Remember, it's not about you.
2. Shut up and listen.
3. Focus on actions.
4. Get out of the way.
5. Always give them something to do.

Let's look at each of these rules individually, then see how they work together.

Remember, it's not about you.

You were hired to perform a service. Period. Among all the other responsibilities that get heaped upon SAs is authority to maintain and manage the systems for the benefit of the users. You might be there because the users will not or (much more likely) cannot do it for themselves. You may be there simply because it's cheaper to have you do it than to let them do it. Don't think for a minute that everyone likes this. Very few people have the strength of self to admit that they don't know something important, and your systems are very important.

If you keep in mind that you are first and foremost a service provider, it will keep you humble and it will put you in the right mindset to deal with the users. Sit there demanding fealty and posturing like a tin god, and you will have nothing but problems.

Shut up and listen.

By the time users approach you, they've exhausted their other options or simply don't know what options they have. They might try to cover for it by throwing around jargon, or they might fall back to telling you to fix it (whatever "it" might be). They will probably be in a huff or actively hostile. They don't want to be there and, frankly, at that moment, neither do you.

Now is the time for you to "Shut up and listen".

Don't allow yourself an emotional reaction. Actively listen to what they have to say. If they are simply teeing off, you'll know within a few seconds and you can move to the next rule, but they may be describing a real problem. You won't know if you don't make the effort to find out, and that means active listening.

Active listening involves focusing on the speakers and waiting for them to make their point, not rushing ahead or emitting affirmative grunts until you get to the good part. If you have not turned to face them, are not making eye contact, have crossed your arms, or have allowed yourself to continue doing what you were doing before they arrived, you are not listening. Stop, take a deep breath, exhale, relax, turn to them, and ask them to tell you what is going on. Don't cut them off. Don't correct them until they've finished. When they have finished, paraphrase their statements aloud to show that you really heard what they said.

This technique works well with your significant other, too. Pay attention.

Focus on actions.

Often, just asking "What can I do to help?" is enough to defuse the situation. If they reply with some incoherent sputtering about feelings and blame and ownership and stress and what-have-you, calmly ask them again "Okay. You're upset. What can I do to help?" Don't try to minister to whatever psychic wounds they carry around. Just find out what they're doing at your desk and what they want.

If they can't get themselves together to describe what they want clearly, don't pursue it; just skip down to the last rule.

A footnote that should be noticed here is that there are phrases that raise people's hackles and which should not be used unless you've been itching for a good fight. For example:

• "So what?"
• "What do you want me to do about it?"
• "Why is this my problem?"
• "How does this affect me?"
• "Can't you take care of it?"
• "It's not my job."

What these all have in common (and there are many, many variations on these themes) is that they turn the discussion into an argument by ignoring or demeaning the person asking the request. They thought it was important enough to come to you, so you should at least try not to insult them before they go away.

Get out of the way.

Sounds simple, right? It should be.

You are providing a service (remember?) and you have a clear idea about what needs to be done. As in the sneaker ads, just do it. Don't whine about time or other projects or anything else. The longer you hassle over accepting the task, the longer the person standing at your desk will pester you. It's easier to agree to do it, qualifying that it will be done "soon" or "when time permits". Be doubly generous with the time estimates, and always be prepared.

In any case, you must always honor your commitment. If you said you would do something, then do it. If something else intervenes, do it as soon as you can. People understand that some priorities outweigh their needs, but if you always run late and fall back to excuses, nothing in this article will save you.

One of the best ways to keep out of the way is to proactively do things like monitor systems and perform upgrades. Well-managed systems will have problems now and then -- it's unavoidable -- but poorly managed systems pummel you with problems every day. It's better to put the equipment or software aside than to scurry around at the last minute. (One such technique is to never allocate all the space available. Don't even tell your manager exactly how much is left; always underestimate.) However, if you know that the budget faucet isn't going to open until there is a problem, get ready for the problem. Contact the vendors months ahead of time, circulate an informal RFP, let your manager know what's coming, and have a recent list of prices and an estimate of the time and cost so that when the fire starts, you can be the first on hand to put it out.

Always give them something to do.

Never accept responsibility for someone else's problem. What? That sounds more like a tip from The BOFH (Bastard Operator From Hell) than one of these touchy-feely Egoless Admin techniques, but it's true. Unless you're seriously screwing up, the problem that brought the user to your desk isn't likely to affect you one way or the other. It's not your problem, but the person standing there is, so be sure to share it with her.

Make her perform some legitimate minor exertion or place a necessary but trivial precondition on getting what she wants. I like having users send requests via email; that way, it's logged. If the request involves or affects other users or has potential consequences beyond that user (such as system patches or installation of new software), make them CC their manager (and yours, if appropriate). If it requires a budget item, have them find it and get back to you. For really trivial things -- the ones I take care of while they wait -- I have them email me when they get back to their desks. The reasoning is simple: if you happily make small but minor changes (reset password, manage a group, kill a process) on demand but have them send the request afterward and defer important changes until you have a chance to review or get approval, you look like a nice guy who bends the rules instead of a tyrant or bean counter.

The real advantage of this, when properly done, is that it requires that they go away and establishes a document trail. Nothing causes a hot-tempered developer with a bad attitude to quietly go on her way than to know that the higher-ups will review every ridiculous request the minute it's sent.

Real Life examples...

I've provided two examples of these techniques below and numbered where each was used. The numbers don't necessarily follow in sequence, and you should show similar flexibility.

Case #1: A database has exceeded the space allocated to it.

It's really a DBA problem, but since you're responsible for the server, it's your problem too. Everyone from the junior DBA to the executives knows about this one, and they're calling meetings. When the big meeting starts, you let them shout (1). They shout at you a little, but you keep your cool and follow the discussion (2). You let the discussion flow unimpeded, answering questions openly and correcting misstatements, until it gets to the technical matters for which you have responsibility (2). You notified management six months ago that this was likely to occur but decide to sit on that fact since it's only going to aggravate the DBAs and start a new round of arguing over blame (3). But you knew that this was coming and you already have a RAID expansion unit on hand from the last round of budget games, and just need the vendor to come in and integrate it (4). You defer a time estimate until you contact the vendor, but say it should be no more than a few days (4). Before the end of the meeting, you ask that the DBAs email a formal request for the expansion and that someone send you the budget information so you can get going on it (5).

Case #2: Two development teams squabble over a shared server.

Two groups on parallel development tracks are vying for control of the admittedly limited resources of a single development server, and have taken to ignoring each other's existence. Since they share the same environment and their products must coexist in production, you privately tell the leader of each group that they need to work it out themselves (4). Within days, one team consumes the disk space allocated for development and the other trashes the configuration of the Web and App server. Self-appointed envoys from each team descend on your desk to argue with each other, and expect you to arbitrate. You tell them that they must work it out themselves (1) and that you will handle any technical matters that crop up (3). The fight continues at your desk and escalates as developers -- some of whom don't leave their cubes for weeks at a time but decide to do so today -- join the fracas. You try to restore order by telling the group that each of them will have one minute to say what's on her mind and that no one will interrupt (2). Ten minutes later, everyone has said something, most of it about accusing someone else (1). You ask each one, one at a time, what should be done, but halfway through, the arguing resumes as each group tries to impress upon you the immediacy and importance of its project (2). You declare that since no one has said anything useful and they are wasting your time, they all lose their access (3) and that you will be sending email of this discussion to all of them, their respective managers, the project manager, your boss, and the executives (4). Not wanting to call your bluff, they agree to hold a meeting that afternoon to work it out. You ask them to leave you out of the meeting and to CC you the decision (5).

Summary

Author's bio: Ross Lonstein (lonstein@bigfoot.com) was a Unix S.A. at the time of writing this article, but is now working as a Senior Programmer Analyst on the Internet Application Development team of a utility of the stock exchanges. He lives and works in Manhattan and can be found idling on #perl, lurking on a dozen listservs, and tinkering with code under Unix.

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Referenced categories Intended Audience :: System Administrators Topic :: System :: Systems Administration

 Comments

[»] A couple of issues..
by Alex Stewart - Jul 17th 2001 11:28:49

As others have stated, this is a good article, but there are a couple of points worth mentioning:

First, this whole thing boils down to one fundamental principle: "be professional", and it applies to almost every business setting (and many non-business settings) in any job, not just SAs. The eighties unfortunately seriously skewed what many people think the word "professional" means. It's not about "playing the game", it's about exactly this: recognizing that your real job is exactly the same as everyone else's, using your skills and abilities to help the entire company move smoothly and achieve its goals.

I do have a bit of a problem with example #2: Frankly, the mere fact that it's gotten into this situation means that you've failed at point 4 (being proactive). Every group should have its _own_ development environment (if this can't be done with separate machines, it should be done with rigorously defined areas of occupation (disk partitioning, access permissions, etc). If an environment is required to integrate multiple-group projects, it should be separate from individual groups' development environments and under the direct jurisdiction of one (and only one) manager.

Nevertheless, sometimes things like this slip past even the most dilligent admin, and you get a situation like example #2, so what then? In the example resolution, there are several problems:

a) If you've got umpteen people around your desk yelling at each other, you've already let the situation get out of control. Anything you say in front of that many people is only likely to make the situation worse. Businesses have management structures for a reason. You should only be discussing this with the two other people responsible, the managers of the two groups. Insist that any individual developers discuss their concerns with their managers, who can then bring them to the bigger table.

b) Never ask users what they think should be done (that's not their job). Ask them what they need from you, then _you_ figure out how to give it to them and propose the solution. Particularly in a hostile situation such as this, make sure it's clear that you are in control of the systems (because you are), then make it clear that although you're in control, your primary aim is to help everyone else do their job (because it is). This can do wonders to put everyone's idea of where they stand in perspective (including yours).

c) Threatening coworkers is extremely bad business practice and never professional. Don't do this. If you need to involve superiors, DO it, don't try to play clever games in order to do something which isn't your job anyway (keep other departments' people under control).

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[»] Good article -- I agree
by Sridhar Balasubramanian - Jul 8th 2001 15:53:01

I agree with almost all of the statements made. I'm 16 years old and I have been a sys admin + programmer for about 1.5 years now. Although the company I work for is small, I have experienced many arguments and problems (posed by both the company and the customers). I found that the best way to deal with the customers is to "shut up and listen". Plus if you admit that it is your fault (even if it is not), the customer gets happy and raises down his/her voice. Then later I go on explaining how the problem arose and point out that is it actually their fault and not mine.

But anyway, I like this article; especially since I got into the workforce at an early age and am trying to get used to the different types of attitudes of employees and customers.

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[»] Re: Good article -- I agree
by Matthias Andree - Jul 12th 2001 08:54:52


> Plus if you admit
> that it is your fault (even if it is
> not), the customer gets happy and raises
> down his/her voice. Then later I go on
> explaining how the problem arose and
> point out that is it actually their
> fault and not mine.
Heck, why should you take the shame for someone else's problem? You could tell the user it's not their fault, and they'll be just as happy.

--
-- Matthias Andree

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[»] Balance
by Piping Dog - Jul 5th 2001 13:45:42

In general, a well-considered piece, though we part company in several places. The middle path lies somewhere between this tract and the BOFH. You were hired to do a task, but the responsible admin takes pride and ownership of the computing environment. The users want a computing environment that is stable over time, and for this reason, it is, a little bit, about the admin. If the admin gets bored or frustrated, then the admin will seek other opportunities, and the next admins will shake everything up trying to make things look just like the peculiar environment in which they learned their craft.

Listen, but don't shut up. How many times has someone, usually a Power Luser (someone who knows just enough about adminning to be dangerous), asked you to perform a very specific task (add this entry to the hosts table on all the systems, even though we use DNS, as an example)? Listen, then restate the problem in the apropriate context, and work with the user towards a more general, appropriate solution.

Don't shut up. Always communicate the following things with your user base: What the known problems and outstanding tasks are, what you think your priorities are, what you're working on, what you're planning (outages, upgrades, changes), what your vision for the system is. This last bit is important. Have abstract goals, as well as concrete goals, and make them known.

These communications should be frequent enough to make it annoying to get them by email. Start a weblog, maintain history, mention it every time someone seems surprized by something you say or do.

Addendum to focus on tasks: Identify all the stakeholders, and notify them when the task is complete, ask them to make sure everything is in order.

Always give them something to do. Yes! I got so sick of building emacs every week, that the squeaky wheel got the task. I turned it over to one of the users in a controlled manner, they made sure all the assorted random garbage was built in, and I released it into production in a controlled way. If it broke, the users bothered that person.

Because there are many users with diverse agendas using your system, much of the task of systems administration is consensus-building. Be involved in the decision-making process, but make it known that the final decision belongs to the users, but you will inform their decisions with the technical and fiscal realities.

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[»] uhhmm
by Chad Erbe - Jun 21st 2001 18:44:13

OK, so it seems to me that this is a pretty simple set of instructions for getting around in any technical environment where you have to provide some service. I am also a technical manager, and I have tried for years to communicate this attitude to my folks - some with greater success than others.

If you look at any type of a sysadmin/support role as if (l)users are the bane of your existence, then eventually, the (l)users will get rid of the problem - YOU. Nobody wants to deal with an utter asshole at crunch time, and getting smart won't help their situation. The true survivors in this role will always be the people who follow the template above. ( ok, within reason, but that is what I'm here for. I give the order to go to ludicrous speed when that time comes, I arbitrate, I define reasonable requests, and I support my technical folks. My primary job is usually to act as a flack jacket for my techs when some PM/department head/weenie/wonk or buffoon takes a shot at them. If your manager isn't doing these things, then it is time to find a new manager.)

The bottom line is the bottom line - these companies are paying sysadmins and support folks to support their "non-technical" people. The focus of the company is to make money, and the people that you support either directly or indirectly contribute to the bottom line - no matter how much we like to think that they are just a bunch of bumbling idiots... did I say that?

If the support role is not your cup of tea, you could always do development, something that hides you in a cube far away from (l)users, but you cannot bite the hand that feeds you.

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[»] Re: uhhmm
by d3funct - Jun 22nd 2001 13:43:00

What an utterly wonderful comment, Chadius. Or should I call you Minimus? Otis? Otis, is that you? No, much too verbose. I must admit though, you are probably the best manager for whom I've ever worked. Listen to him people! He's had me at ludicrous speed many times, not yet plaid though.

--
The software said "For best results use Windows95 or better...", So I installed LINUX!! :-)

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[»] Egoless SA's and Rules to go by
by Daniel Remsburg - Jun 16th 2001 03:03:01

I'm not sure about how much control you have over your system (I certainly have had less than I do now) but I usually try to affirm that I am the one that is directly in control of the technical aspect of the network. I usually try to demand my own procedures (so if things go wrong it is _actually_ my fault). The quickest fix to most of the common problems (users being told to do something for the xteenth time, users who don't know anything about a network, etc) I usually setup an hour long class (usually on fridays is best) in which I sit and teach fundamentals to those who come to me with the same problem frequently. This, at times, has even included my boss (which this humiliating jesture tends to teach them quickly the things they're so quick to forget). Usually, when they come to a problem they've asked you before you can say "Ok, I'm scheduling you to be at my next remedial class to operate on this network" and imply that their attendance is nessiscary. My present employment is the first I've tried this with but with about 5 minutes of pitching (and making it sound like a very needed function) I had persuaded my managers and bosses to allow me the time. Usually, it gives me gratification knowing that _I_ am the one that's bugging the hell out of them now and they are inferior (not as an egotistical standpoint but for the fact that, technically, they are). This also helps me to solve many of the issues that go on with the network and sometimes my class on fridays becomes to be 20+! Alot of the problems can be fixed because its somewhat known in our office now that if you have to go to the 'dunce' class you're getting laughed at by everyone else taking it easy on fridays. It really helps out. And as to the article. Very nice, though, sometimes unrealistic. I was (un)lucky enough to work in customer support (telephone support for UPS....ugh time sensative packages are lost every second....) so I know what it takes to fill their head full of mumbo-jumbo while you figure out what to do. Usually, I like to attribute it (in the authentic cases) to user error and I sign them up for remedial training. Other times, I suck it up and take the fall for my network (its my baby, and if I _really_ wanted to it would work like clockwork). I don't really have much stress, mostly for the fact that I get to vent once a week at all the no-brainers I've encountered all week. At previous positions my ideas have been limited because I was there without prior experience and being that I have no certification, poses a bit of a problem when I wish to impose my own standards of operability. The only thing I have going for me, and might be one to adopt in some cases, is the fact that if _I'm_ going to fix the problem _you_ have to do _what I say_ or its a big 'I told you so' and a date on fridays :^)

P.S. Also, I strongly belive in the one where you give them something to do. This, 99% of the time, makes them feel either accomplished, or part of the solution. I usually have them sit down at a terminal with a peice of paper that has commands and have them do something trivial (like backup the old logs from last year and send them to /dev/null :^) and they authenticly feel accomplished and appreciated. Though, this sometimes leads to a big head, but big heads are mine by friday :^)

nexen@qwest.net

--
"We always complain about the high price of living until we've lived the low price of living." -- Daniel Remsburg May the source be with you!

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[»] Almost perfection...
by GrungyApe - Jun 14th 2001 09:39:25

Read the article and loved it. Realizing it will not alwys fit everyone's world, was about to print it out and hang it for the SysAdmins here when I noticed one glaring issue....

The article does an excellent job at not stereo-typing the "user" that always comes to the Admin. You refer to them as a 'person', 'they', 'them', but never indicating who 'they' might be, until the section about giving them something to do, and suddenly... your end user becomes a "her".

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[»] Re: Almost perfection...
by technik - Jun 22nd 2001 00:32:07


> The article does an excellent job at
> not stereo-typing the "user"
> that always comes to the Admin. You
> refer to them as a 'person', 'they',
> 'them', but never indicating who 'they'
> might be, until the section about giving
> them something to do, and suddenly...
> your end user becomes a
> "her". I noticed that and double-checked my original. It is the result of a well-meaning editor reworking my words. I make a point to avoid gendered pronouns. I guess this happens.

- technik

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[»] Egoless Admin
by petralynn - Jun 7th 2001 14:58:08

I'm a SA for the Chicago Field Office of my organization. I love my job. And sometimes it is trying when I repeat the same answer or password over and over. My skill lies not in knowing everything (not possible) but in showing eagerness and motivation to make someone else's job easier, more productive and enjoyable. That has been returned to me in the form of job security, and respect.

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[»] Re: Egoless Admin
by {savg*pncl} - Aug 12th 2001 14:17:52

Eagerness and motivation aren't always rewarded with job security. In some organizations you're fired for it.

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[»] Remember to grovel...
by B.O.F.H - Jun 6th 2001 19:22:11

Being an admin is a service proffession, and that's why its so intolerable. Like the author of the original article, and some of the readers, I have worked for the financial industry at Wall St (and Silicon Valley, among other places). Supporting lusers in that environment has got to be one of the worst jobs for an admin. Traders and brokers must have some of the most undeservadly large egos of any profession. To them, any technical person is a worm at their beck and call. True, there are plenty of incompetent technicians, but you should not have to be treated as an untouchable for simply belonging to that "caste".

I've lost track of the number of times I've had to listen to a trader rant on and on about how the company is loosing millions (only millions?) for every minute that their precious servers are down. They scowl at you as if you're an idiot... all because of a network that had congealed, rather than been architected, long before your time at the company. Its a patchwork of bandaids upon bandaids, and it leaks from time to time. Big surprise. Yet try to get your pointy-headed-boss to budget some money toward having some redundancy in the hardware/networks/software and he looks at you as if you're from Mars.

I don't know how many times that pointy-headed bosses have promised upper management that "yes, oh great ones, our 'team' will work twice as hard to get the project done in half the time, and no resources". Then, while you're slaving away nights and weekends on some exec's pet project, they announce that they're going to re-arrange the trading floor for the thirtieth time. You see, there's a new rookie trader that's joined The Firm. There's not enough room to put him in the right groop, because contingency planning is not in their vocabulary, so the 700 traders (and their computers, and the network... that's where you come in) have to be rearranged... this weekend. And god forbid that Trader God's coffe mug gets misplaced during the move. So before we start, the boss insists on taking polaroids of every trader's desk... and when the move is over, everything has to look picture perfect, literally. Oh, by the way, since the traders aren't going to be working, this is a perfect time for some hardware and software upgrades. Joy.

Then its Friday. You, the invisible tech, start crawling under the trader's desks, running new network cables in preparation for the move. Obviously, the traders can't be bothered to spit at you, or move out of your way....

Cut to the weekend... everything goes wrong, and we don't finish in the afternoon, but work virtually until Monday morning. When the system is not up the traders can't trade... "we're loosing millions!" where's the redundancy? where's the planning? When we wind up pulling monkeys out of our butts to save a crippled legacy system that should have been replaced 20yrs ago, sometimes the traders notice, and they take you out to have a big fancy lunch (the kind the trading group has every day, no exaggeration). The next day you're untouchable scum again... who are sitting on their asses until the network falls apart again... who have nothing better to do than teach traders how to hit "Send" to send an email, or carry 50 lb monitors.

And security? Its telnet and ftp, after all... what could be more safe than that? Besides, at the firm we're all friends... and it would impair our workflow if we couldn't rsh in to each other's accounts. Ugh. Try to budget anything more than a basic firewall and its an uphill battle. Try to get someone hired to do security full-time, because that's what it takes to keep up with all of the zer0-d4y-xploits, patch every server and desktop, and investigate every portscan, and you're the guy from Mars again.

So in the middle of putting the millionth bandaid to keep alive the dinosaur of a system, created by a team of overworked, understaffed, underpaid, and often undereducated techs, another clueless luser with an attitude shambles over and screams about how his 5yr-old optical mouse isn't working because he's trying to use it on pant-leg, instead of the calibrated mousepad, and your advice is to:

1-Remember, it's not about you.
2-Shut up and listen.
3-Focus on actions.
4-Get out of the way
5-Always give them something to do.

Maybe in your world, this is what you do. In that case, I hope you don't forget to grovel. In my world, I pull out the LART, set it on "well-done", and flame away.

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[»] Remember to grovel...
by B.O.F.H - Jun 6th 2001 19:20:01

Being an admin is a service proffession, and that's why its so intolerable. Like the author of the original article, and some of the readers, I have worked for the financial industry at Wall St (and Silicon Valley, among other places). Supporting lusers in that environment has got to be one of the worst jobs for an admin. Traders and brokers must have some of the most undeservadly large egos of any profession. To them, any technical person is a worm at their beck and call. True, there are plenty of incompetent technicians, but you should not have to be treated as an untouchable for simply belonging to that "caste".

I've lost track of the number of times I've had to listen to a trader rant on and on about how the company is loosing millions (only millions?) for every minute that their precious servers are down. They scowl at you as if you're an idiot... all because of a network that had congealed, rather than been architected, long before your time at the company. Its a patchwork of bandaids upon bandaids, and it leaks from time to time. Big surprise. Yet try to get your pointy-headed-boss to budget some money toward having some redundancy in the hardware/networks/software and he looks at you as if you're from Mars.

I don't know how many times that pointy-headed bosses have promised upper management that "yes, oh great ones, our 'team' will work twice as hard to get the project done in half the time, and no resources". Then, while you're slaving away nights and weekends on some exec's pet project, they announce that they're going to re-arrange the trading floor for the thirtieth time. You see, there's a new rookie trader that's joined The Firm. There's not enough room to put him in the right groop, because contingency planning is not in their vocabulary, so the 700 traders (and their computers, and the network... that's where you come in) have to be rearranged... this weekend. And god forbid that Trader God's coffe mug gets misplaced during the move. So before we start, the boss insists on taking polaroids of every trader's desk... and when the move is over, everything has to look picture perfect, literally. Oh, by the way, since the traders aren't going to be working, this is a perfect time for some hardware and software upgrades. Joy.

Then its Friday. You, the invisible tech, start crawling under the trader's desks, running new network cables in preparation for the move. Obviously, the traders can't be bothered to spit at you, or move out of your way....

Cut to the weekend... everything goes wrong, and we don't finish in the afternoon, but work virtually until Monday morning. When the system is not up the traders can't trade... "we're loosing millions!" where's the redundancy? where's the planning? When we wind up pulling monkeys out of our butts to save a crippled legacy system that should have been replaced 20yrs ago, sometimes the traders notice, and they take you out to have a big fancy lunch (the kind the trading group has every day, no exaggeration). The next day you're untouchable scum again... who are sitting on their asses until the network falls apart again... who have nothing better to do than teach traders how to hit "Send" to send an email, or carry 50 lb monitors.

And security? Its telnet and ftp, after all... what could be more safe than that? Besides, at the firm we're all friends... and it would impair our workflow if we couldn't rsh in to each other's accounts. Ugh. Try to budget anything more than a basic firewall and its an uphill battle. Try to get someone hired to do security full-time, because that's what it takes to keep up with all of the zer0-d4y-xploits, patch every server and desktop, and investigate every portscan, and you're the guy from Mars again.

So in the middle of putting the millionth bandaid to keep alive the dinosaur of a system, created by a team of overworked, understaffed, underpaid, and often undereducated techs, another clueless luser with an attitude shambles over and screams about how his 5yr-old optical mouse isn't working because he's trying to use it on pant-leg, instead of the calibrated mousepad, and your advice is to:

1-Remember, it's not about you.
2-Shut up and listen.
3-Focus on actions.
4-Get out of the way
5-Always give them something to do.

Maybe in your world, this is what you do. In that case, I hope you don't forget to grovel. In my world, I pull out the LART, set it on "well-done", and flame away.

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[»] Wake Up and smell the pavement
by Your Robotic Pal - Jun 12th 2001 16:36:57


> Traders and brokers must have
> some of the most undeservadly large egos
> of any profession. To them, any
> technical person is a worm at their beck
> and call. True, there are plenty of
> incompetent technicians, but you should
> not have to be treated as an untouchable
> for simply belonging to that
> "caste".

Dude, break your chains and be free! The T-shirt Manifesto.

CLUE ONE: Unhappy? Quit!

Your oppressors aren't holding you down. You're holding you down. Traders have shitty lives, just like you do. They're a perfect example of what eventually happens to SAs - they do something else because they can't take the crap anymore. Did you know that those bastards who take you to lunch and then blow you off tend to have very high suicide rates? Even higher than Win98 phone support guys. They're usually alcoholics or worse by the time they're in their mid 40s. The burn out rate is incredible, because the maw of the trading profession is nastier than the IT/IS profession. For them, it's ALL about the money.It has to be. They have no lives. They have no friends. All they have is money.

And a good trader makes a lot of money. They're 20 times as ruthless as the BOFH, except they have to produce visible results everyday. If they can't, they go straight out the door. The things these guys do are clearly visible in terms of dollars. As an SA, unless it all turns to shit you can always make an excuse or blame it on the last guy or Bill Gates or whatever. Traders can't blame anyone but themselves. Even if they simply have a streak of bad luck, it's out the door.

Bottom Line: Just Quit. Don't think about the rent or the credit card payments or how it will look on your resume or what you'll eat or where you'll work next. Just Quit. Show the Bastards how sorry they'll be when you're gone. What really matters is your feelings. If they can't treat you like one of the bosses, screw 'em. Of course, if you don't have the balls to do it, you're probably not ready to join their little club anyway. Screw 'em. You can get lots of moral support on Slashdot, and even if you don't have unemployment benefits or parents who'll let you live in the basement, you can always get a job with someone else. Somewhere. Whatever you do, Don't simply swallow whatever they give you. Why? Because:

CLUE TWO: It just aint about you!
> I've lost track of the number of times
> I've had to listen to a trader rant on
> and on about how the company is loosing
> millions (only millions?) for every
> minute that their precious servers are
> down. They scowl at you as if you're an
> idiot... all because of a network that
> had congealed, rather than been
> architected, long before your time at

So blow it off. They're going *apeshit* not because of your appearance on earth, but because they cannot earn their keep when they're not out there trading! They have to make their numbers or go back into the used car business or retail or whatever hole they climbed out of. I'd really like to see more SA/Tech support staff learn not to take everything personally, and to realize that these folks are frustrated in their jobs just like you are. Some of them are Assholes, or idiots, or whatever...but most of them are just trying to get through the day. Of course, aside from the Dot Bomb bubble, traders make more than us kernal tweaking LINUX types. But it tends to be temporary for most of them.

See, the working world is a big food chain. The farther up it you climb, you'll find bigger (and more)predators at every rung, along with a bunch of little, agile predators climbing their way up behind them. As an employee in a big company, you're usually subject to having all those above you and all those below you making you wish you weren't there. However, there is a well known solution to this: You can beat this problem by being either 1) Smarter than the rest or 2) Tougher than the rest or 3) Posessing powerful maxial/rectal massage skills (able to kiss a geometric-growth array of butt). I think we can all probably guess how your Boss got to where he is on the ladder...

CLUE THREE: LEARN TO SPEAK THEIR TWISTED LANGUAGE

> Yet try to get your pointy-headed-boss to
> budget some money toward having some
> redundancy in the
> hardware/networks/software and he looks
> at you as if you're from Mars.

If you can't convince them that these things need to be done, you haven't thought about it properly. Write it down. Go to a high school debate coach and ask them to tell you whats wrong with the way you're presenting yourself. Ask a pro bono lawyer. Ask your mom, who hears the same BS from your dad everytime she wants to fix the leaky toilet. Sooner or later, you'll figure out the mysterious command line argument that was missing from your command line invocation.

Believe it or not, there is a FM (as in RTFM) for most of the situations you'll be exposed to. You can find them in the library or used book stores in the business and self improvement sections. It'll be painful for those of you who read 100x more online than offline, but you're the ones who need it the most.

CLUE FOUR: Learn to think and use analogies

> weekend. And god forbid that Trader
> God's coffe mug gets misplaced during
> the move. So before we start, the boss
> insists on taking polaroids of every
> trader's desk... and when the move is
> over, everything has to look picture
> perfect, literally. Oh, by the way,
Imagine I came in over the weekend and tightened up the security on your box. In the process of doing this, I moved a lot of stuff from /var/logs and /usr/sbin to other directories, but it's all still there. I did lose a couple of trivial things, like your SSH key, but you can make another one pretty easily, right? Oh, I had to delete TOP and HISTORY because they represent security risks, but you'll still be able to do your job. I really hope you didn't find this inconvenient when you needed to do something on the box later. It's all there... *grin*.

> since the traders aren't going to be
> working, this is a perfect time for some
> hardware and software upgrades. Joy.
>
Oh, I forgot. I'm going to be applying antistatic coatings to your keyboard and changing your desk for a bigger one while you're trying to do package installs. But it won't be much bother. You'll hardly notice. Really.

CLUE FIVE: Some people need more than remedial training. Some need to Behold The Power of Cheese.
> So in the middle of putting the
> millionth bandaid to keep alive the
> dinosaur of a system, created by a team
> of overworked, understaffed, underpaid,
> and often undereducated techs, another
> clueless luser with an attitude shambles
> over and screams about how his 5yr-old
> optical mouse isn't working because he's
> trying to use it on pant-leg, instead of
> the calibrated mousepad, and your advice
> is to:
>
> 1-Remember, it's not about you.
> 2-Shut up and listen.
> 3-Focus on actions.
> 4-Get out of the way
> 5-Always give them something to
> do.
>
> Maybe in your world, this is what you
> do. In that case, I hope you don't
> forget to grovel. In my world, I pull

Uh, for you this advice is basically useless. You fear the world. You aren't getting laid. You have some kind of basic personality flaw, but no one will tell you what it is. Why is your self worth so low? You're posting here, so you can't be an MCSE. But something is DEFINATELY wrong. You must fix it. So for the rest of you who feel like this guy:

Step One: Go Home no later than 7PM.

Step Two: Start exercising now. Go for
long walks. Lift weights. Do it 4x week.

Step Three: Take vitamin C. Eat protein.

Step Four: Take a picture of yourself at
the end of the work day. Do you look like
someone who can't dress themselves?Fix it!

Step Five: Start reading old management
books from the 1950s and 60s. Know your Enemy.


And if nothing else works, try to become a "sub" for a cute girl who wants to be an S&M dominatrix. At least you'll be able to learn to associate abuse with getting a woody. This might help you in your future career path, or at least you'll make lots of new "friends" who'll be honest, caring and open about wanting to abuse you. 9 out of 10 Sadists prefer Windows to Linux, by the way.

Worker 1: Say, Has anyone seen that slob ass network geek bob?
Worker 2: No, but whats his name was screaming at him for being late!
Worker 1: Yeah, he almost cried. What a loser.
Cute Worker #3: (to herself) Hmmmm, Bob had a woody when he ran nto the men's room and he always comes out of the bathroom with a big smile. He keeps hinting that he's always tied up.
Guess I'll hafta give him my phone number.

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[»] Re: Remember to grovel...
by {savg*pncl} - Aug 12th 2001 14:28:07

I hear you loud and clear on this one. I too worked for a group of traders in the financial industry and my experiences were nearly identical to your own. Same old crap everytime you would visit a desk to move their Office toolbar to the other side of the screen. I had one of them say to me one day: "do you know who I am?" Reminded me of God speaking to Moses from the burning bush: "I AM that I AM!" I told her she was another end user and could get up off her lazy rear and power cycle the printer before asking me to race to her desk for nothing. Turns out the printer was out of paper! I guess she'll at some point be asking my former manager if we can follow her into the bathroom to unwind the paper from the spool for her. What a joke! These are "internal customers" who want special treatment because of some bogus SLA that they hammered out with a frightened manager. And that's what's really needed here: managers with guts who can spell out reasonable rules of the road. I don't care how much money you make...we all work for the same organization.

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